The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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