I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
