My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
