So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it