That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
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College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
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'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Brb crying the tears of my youth