White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?