So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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