In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
