i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.