Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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