ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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