this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
