why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
