I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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