well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
