Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
