i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
