There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
