Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
