Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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