he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
