I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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