i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
