Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
