My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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