I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
