Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So. Much. Porn.
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