No stitches, just platelets and will power
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
