Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
