sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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