How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
