So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
