I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
