My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
