Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
