make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
