Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
