I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
