I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
