Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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