well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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