I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize