im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so let's talk penis.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
