don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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