NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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