There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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