sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Never underestimate the power of titties
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
