Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
