how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
