I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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