i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
