I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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