you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
