sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
