New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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