I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm getting married
To pizza
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
