I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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