garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
3pm strippers are depressing
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
