Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
