Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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