I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
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