I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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