Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
