there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
