Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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