I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
