Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
