so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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