The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
