We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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