wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
