ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
