I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
