i was born a porn star she said
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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