and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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