Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
