Me too!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
