dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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