what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
