I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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