Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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